After quite the hiatus, I thought I'd give my blonk another go, perhaps having something noteworthy or at least entertaining to say.
To get you all (all...ha!) up to speed on my time away from the keyboard, I thought I'd summarize 2009 for you to date, but as I began, I noticed the bleak, self-pitying tone and thought better of it.
A commercial for something or other was just on the TV, stating that, "there are few guarantees in life". How very true that is, with happiness NOT being among those spare gifts promised. So I ask you, dear readers, what is the ratio of happiness to non-happiness acceptable to you? How many hours, days, weeks and/or months of loss, dejection, regret, remorse, tears and pain are you willing to accept and for what portion of bliss, joy, rapture and happiness?
Friday - November 13
Friday, November 13, 2009
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6 animadversions:
First of all-- YEAH and YIPPEE!!! It's good to hear you, again.
Now--you might not like my answer to the question but I'm going to answer it, based soley on my experience. I can only speak to that and for me.
I did 13 years of one cancer diagnosis after another, one treatment after another, one surgery after another, one course of chemotherapy after another (you get the drift, I'm sure....).....and more than once they told me to get my affairs in order. Happiness, bliss and joy and rapture? Not especially.......not internally, though I will admit to being a darn good actress. There's a reason my sister gifted me with a 'Best Actress' Oscar. I had to 'act as if'--I had an audience.
Don't get me wrong...there were happy moments, laughter and some fun moments. But internally, when the end of the day came and it was just me and my thoughts--they weren't happy, hope-filled thoughts.
Someone told me to keep trudging, one day at a time, and offered to trudge with me, day after day after day......and it was trudging.
13 years with little to no hope. Hope was something I didn't dare indulge in, yaknow?
But I didn't have a license and I didn't get to pretend that I didn't HAVE to be responsible while I was trudging.
I didn't FEEL like being responsible.
I didn't particularly WANT to be responsible....but goshdangit I really AM responsible, whether I liked it or not.
The other side of that 13 years is a piece of cake. Using that 13 years as a measuring stick against what I'm dealing with today--it's a cakewalk, yaknow?
Nope, I don't haffta like 'stuff'. And nope, I don't haffta wanna deal with the 'stuff' life throws at me.
But I know today--my happiness is my responsibility and I can choose it regardless of the circumstances..cuz really, they're just circumstances of TODAY.
*laughing*
Now aren't ya glad you asked the question?!
Did I mention YEAH and YIPPEE that we get to hear you again?!
:-)
(and yup....I still ramble! LOL)
I'm sorry you're having a rotten time. Do try to take pleasure in every little thing that you can and I hope life gets better soon.
I can't answer your question because if unhappiness is overwhelming it's hard to see past it, whilst when one is in a happier place then one can see something positive in almost any situation. When you have been through great trials and distress you may, like Mel, find that nothing else will ever seem so bad. You really can be stronger afterwards.
darling man
you have to keep going thru the shit, because then you'll get to the other side
and there is one
(there is one, right? otherwise, what's the point!)
glad you're blonking again - even if it's going to be sad and miserable and you're fed up and think you have nothing to report. . .
just tell us how crap you're feeling
every minute, hour, day for however many weeks it takes
my virtual friends were the only ones I had when I was suicidal last year
so, whatever you write, we'll be here to hear and listen
ok?
(-:
XXX
You all mean WORLDS to me!
I love you all.
(((((((( Rim )))))))))
Well, that's a good thing then!
You're stuck with us either way.
:-D
Honestly...with the shit, there comes the equally opposite goodness. Trust me. It's a year and a bit since my life nearly asploded and after all that few months of crap and evil...I am good. It *did* end and I am happy. It worked out for me...and life has offered me new and exciting things and made up for it's absolute shit.
I believe to be fully grateful you need to take the lessons and the bad times and try and learn a bit from them. Not necessarily when they are happening...sometime that's too impossible as it's just too near and painful, but with time, you can. It took me over a year to get to that...but I am. Sort of. OK, once a week...:)
My take on things has always been, and still is, to enjoy the little things. Get joy from every day where ever you happen to find it. Cus even when life is total crap, there will be something that makes you smile :)
Right now, I just finished a loooooooong project and have a cat in my lap. Cats are good. I'll take it :)
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