Muscial Midweek

"For all the bachelors out there tonight. Yeah, for anybody who's ever whistled the wedding march. Or maybe you've whistled it but you've lost the sheet music. Well, actually, I don't mind going to weddings or anything. As long as it's not my own, I show up. But, I've always kind of been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out, you know. Oh yeah, you call yourself up too, huh? Yeah... well, one thing about it, you're always around! Yeah, I know. Yeah, you ask yourself out, you know. Some class joint somewhere. The Burrito King or something. I ain't cheap, you know. Take yourself out for a couple of drinks maybe. Then there'll be some provocative conversation on the way home; park in front of the house, you know, and you... oh yeah, you´re smooth with it... you know, you put a little nice music on. Maybe you put on like... you know... like shopping music, something that's not too interruptive, you know. And then, you know, and eh... slide over real nice, you know, say, 'Oh, I think you have something in your eye'. Well, maybe it's not that romantic with you, but Christ! Take myself up to the porch, and take myself inside. Oh, maybe I make a little something, a brandy snifter or something. Would you like to listen to some of my back records. I got something here... Well, usually about 2.30 in the morning you've ended up taking advantage of yourself and... there ain't no way around that, you know. Yeah, making the scene with a magazine, there ain't no way around... I'll confess, you know, I'm no different, you know. I'm not weird about it or anything. I don't tie myself up first, I just... you know. I just kind of... spend a little time with myself. So this is kind of a little anthem here..."

Better Off Without A Wife


All my friends are married
Every Tom and Dick and Harry
You must be strong if you're to go it alone
Here's to the bachelors and the Bowery bums
Those who feel that they're the ones
That are better off without a wife

Cause I like to sleep until the crack of noon
Midnight howlin' at the moon
Goin' out when I want to,
And I'm comin' home when I please
Don't have to ask permission
If I wanna go out fishin'
Never have to ask for the keys

I've never been no Valentino
But I had a girl who lived in Reno
Left me for a trumpet player
Well, it didn't get me down
He was wanted for assault
And though he said it weren't his fault
You know the coppers rode him right out of town

I'll be sleeping until the crack of noon
Midnight howlin' at the moon
And I'll be goin' out when I want to
Comin' home when I please
Don't have to ask permission
If I wanna go out fishin'
Never have to ask for the keys

Yeah, you see I'm kinda selfish about my privacy
Now as long as I can be with me
We get along so well I can't even believe it
I love to chew the fat with folks
I'll be listening to all your dirty jokes
I'm so thankful for these friends I do receive

I'll be sleeping until the crack of noon
Midnight howlin' at the moon
And I'll be goin' out when I want to
Comin' home when I please
Don't have to ask permission
If I wanna go out fishin'
Never have to ask for the keys, no

Hey, I got this girl I know, man, and I just...
She's been married several times and...
I don't wanna end up like her.
I mean, she's been married so many times
she's got rice-marks all over her face.
Yeah, you know the kind...

Written by: Tom Waits
Published by: Fifth Floor Music Inc. (ASCAP), ©1975